Define "chronic" masturbator.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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