I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
