Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
