I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
