I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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