Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
