the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Even my vagina gasped.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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