no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
