it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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