i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
