Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
