you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
