I CAN MOONWALK!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
