Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
