I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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