I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
