You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
