Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
