I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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