just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
