look no pants
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
