Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
