Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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