just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
