I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
