She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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