I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
