Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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