There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
