I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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