At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
