We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
