Dude my mom stole all your condoms
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's just like the Real World with babies
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't notice because vodka
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
