we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
