I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
