Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He felt like a one man threesome
tequila makes me forget i have legs
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't deserve a penis
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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