I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
