I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
