Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
