It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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