why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
