I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
