Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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