When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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