actually, I'm a sock model
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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