After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
