Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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