areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
