can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
