idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So squirting runs in the family.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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