pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
