I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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