I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
